Only a few years ago I was overweight and extremely depressed. I was drowning my feelings in cheap college bar drinks and junk food all day everyday. My 5’10” frame was carrying around nearly 250lbs. Clothes didn't seem to fit and honestly I didn't even want to look at clothes from fear of what size I was at. I felt like a giant bump on a log. I had no motivation to do anything positive or productive.
I was unhappy. Simple as that.
But than three years ago I moved back home, into my mother’s house. It wasn't as easy as I thought it would be to find a new job, any job really. It took three months before I finally interviewed for my current job. Over those three months I could have sat around, eating more feelings and feeling even more sorry for myself, but I didn’t. I made the choice to do something about it.
My mother had bought a treadmill years before and it had been sitting in my old bedroom collecting dust. I dusted that bad boy off and started moving. Nothing crazy at first. ‘Running’ at any speed for more than a minute was hard. I started off simple. Walking briskly for 25 minutes, then I slowly moved up to 45 minutes (or the length of an episode of Grey’s). Than I started running the last .10 of a quarter mile, half a mile, a mile and so on. I even had some 5lb hand weights that I did a couple arm exercises with, and as many sit ups I could manage without passing out. Since I had nothing else going on I did this little routine just about every other day.
Since I was the one doing the household errands like buying the groceries, I started buying all the fruit I could get my hands on, veggies for salads and added meat (chicken and turkey) back into my life. I haven’t been a huge meat eater in years. Breakfast also became a staple in my day. You know how the magazines and fitness gurus always harp on you to eat breakfast? Do it. They know what they're talking about.
I dropped 30lbs over that following year. Than I found a yoga studio near by house that had heated classes and weren't pricey. I did my first yoga challenge (average 3 classes a week for 8 weeks) I was taking 2-4 classes every week!
I was hook on working out and get my jiggly self in shape. I didn't completely hate shopping for clothes, helps when you’re wearing 2 sizes smaller! Than I found out one of my good friends was getting married May 2012 and wanted me to be a bridesmaid! I was excited but oh so very nervous. I knew the other bridesmaids were all much shorter and much smaller than me. I didn't want to stand out as the giant! And than we ordered or dresses. I order a size 14 not wanting to play it safe and go with the bigger size. Around this time I was around 200lbs give or take. When that dressed arrived it didn't zip up the last couple of inches and I could not blame it on my ladies up top.
Now I had a clear and tangible goal. Fit in that damn dress!! I joined a gym. I meet with a trainer, learned my way around the free weights and cable machines. I had a plan in action. I had motivation! I was ready to take on the world and lose some pounds. I was even going to run a 5k!
I did it! I got down to 194 (56lbs down!) and by the end of April (’12) that dress not only zipped up but I could spin it around my body. I was beyond happy! Yes, a good chunck of that happiness was from the number on the scale but another part was proud I stuck to my guns and completed my mission.
That happy ending didn't last all that long. Here I sit, October 6th 2013, seventeen months after the wedding, unable to fit back into that dress and tipping the scales at 224. That’s 30lbs heavier than my lowest and only 26lb from my highest. My clothes are tight and I feel like a can of busted biscuits more days than not. Instead of letting myself slip down that slope of depression and self hatred, I'm more motivated than ever! I've been in the place before, I know what I need to do get back to a happy healthier weight, for me.
Eating right, not too much, but still often, drinking all the water of all the seas, working out and lifting heavy things, and stretching myself into a pretzel in a heated room. I know what I need to do and I am finally feeling that spark of motivation again. This isn’t a diet. I'll say that now. I still plan to enjoy all the lovely wonderful foods the world has to offer. Tasty food is awesome! If I want a cupcake, I’ll have a cupcake, just not all the cupcakes. I need to make the gym my best friend again. I've been a pretty shit BFF. I've slowly been getting myself back into the routine of work, hitting the gym, and still having a life. I need to perfect that balance again.
Since I don't have a dress to fit into this time around, it really was a great way to stay accountable, I figured I would share my journey with the interwebs. I'll admit, I'm scared out of my mind to share some big numbers with anyone who happens upon this little blog here. But I need this. I need a new version of that dress. I need that extra little kick in the pants.
Oh and my 30th birthday is less than a week away. Can we say freak out much??
So, hello there! Thank you for reading all that! I can be a bit long winded. It feels so good to get that all out! Welcome to my little corner of the internet. I’m so excited to start this journey! I’m about to over share all over this space, so let’s get to it!
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Some visuals:
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